New Beginnings Are Scary

My family moved to Starkville from Kentucky when I was in the 3rd grade. After we moved, I was enrolled at Emerson right away. I cried for two weeks straight. My mom had to come every day to rock and hold me to get me through the rest of the day.

Merit's teacher sent me this picture of her this morning.

Today, Merit started her first day at Emerson. It’s no longer the 3rd grade (clearly, although I guess Merit could be a 2-year-old genius). Emerson is now a family school for ages 1-5. After visiting yesterday, Merit was so excited to start today. She woke up chipper and excited. She understood, as we explained multiple times, that we would be leaving her and picking her up.

As the morning went on, her behavior got worse. She didn’t want to get dressed, she didn’t want to eat, she didn’t want any help with anything. She tried to hit me and growled at me. I got frustrated and felt helpless. These behaviors are typical for a 2-year-old – but I know if Merit is acting out she is either hangry, sleepy, or stressed. Her being stressed didn’t dawn on me until before she left because she had been so excited.

Just because going to school is something she wants doesn’t mean that she isn’t scared.

I put her in the car seat and leaned in. She didn’t want to hug me or kiss me. I said, “Merit, you are going to be ok. I know you are scared, but you are brave.” Tears formed in her eyes, and she shook her head yes, which made me cry. I repeated the same thing over and over and assured her that I would be picking her up and when. She shook her head again and asked for about ten kisses and hugs before she rode off with Clare to be dropped off.

When Clare pulled up to the school, Merit dropped all of her things and ran in. She hesitantly and quietly went through her classroom door that said, “Welcome Merit,” but took her teachers hand, gave Clare a kiss, and joined the other kids.

I am so proud of her. She is so much braver than me. She helped me remember that kids are no different than adults. We all act out when we are scared, it just looks different. Even if it is something we want or something we asked for – change is scary. I hope I remember to acknowledge her feelings sooner next time she is scared.

That kid. She pushes me every day to be better and better.

Thank you, Emerson. You have been amazing – you’ve accommodated all of our dietary restrictions and have made Merit and us feel so welcome. We are grateful.

Not Everything Deserves An Explanation

As a person who is gay, I am always having to come out of the closet when I meet someone new. Most conversations always lead to if I am married or if I have kids, so, it’s inevitable that I will have to be honest. Authenticity is too important to me to ignore who I am. Plus, I kind of enjoy the looks on people’s faces when they realize that Clare is NOT Merit’s grandmother. Deep down though, there is often an urge to explain myself, or prove myself worthy, in the eyes of anyone new that I meet. I don’t always give in to that urge – but it lingers from a period in my life when explaining myself was needed to survive.

On some level, I think we all have that urge. An urge to feel understood, an urge to feel accepted and loved, an urge to feel connected. I was talking with a good friend the other day who is having a hard time coming out to his extended family about his new boyfriend. He was wavering between having conversations with everyone first or just posting it on Facebook. I asked, “If your new boyfriend were a girl, would you feel the need to have a conversation with every single person in your life (close or not) about your new girlfriend? No, you would just post it and be done with it.”

The reality is, most people will not understand you if they aren’t like you, but they can accept you. Understanding and acceptance are two vastly different things. They can occur at the same time, but they don’t have to…to love someone. I’ve spent countless hours trying to explain why I am who I am and it’s exhausting…and I realize now, unnecessary.

To my friends who are gay, I understand the importance of coming out and being real. But we don’t owe everyone an explanation every time we tell someone about our family, or the new love in our life, or anything for that matter. We CAN casually be ourselves and let people have their own reactions. I have found that the more casual I am, the more casual others are (even if they have never met a person like me before). Remember that “person” comes before “gay.”

Be proud of who you are. Being different makes you better and it makes the people around you better too. And if someone has something to say about who you are or who your family is, and it’s not positive or supportive – then remember – it’s not about you. It’s about the fact they aren’t willing to open their hearts a little wider. And that’s ok too…because they don’t have to.

Authenticity rewards itself despite what those around us say or do.

Speaking Tips To Make Your Next Speech Memorable

I remember one of the first times I was in front of a large audience. I was 17-years-old and I was terrified. I was shy and introverted in high school, unless I was playing a sport – I was never shy there. My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, but there was also a sense of comfort. I trusted my content because the content involved stories that made my speech flow. I was able to speak from my heart, connect with the audience, which then allowed me to let go and trust the rest of the speech to unfold.

I’ve always practiced extremely hard for the speeches I give – I rehearse and rehearse. Even if I rehearse for months, I still always feel nervous (sweaty palms and all) before getting on stage because I always share a part of myself on stage, which is always scary. Once I open my mouth and share from my heart, then all of the nerves wash away.

After 20 years of speaking, I have seen time and time again (whether I am speaking or listening to someone else speak), and nothing opens up a speaker or an audience member more than storytelling. What presenters don’t realize is that personal stories don’t have to take up an entire speech. They can be short, but they must be impactful, relevant, and placed properly into a presentation.

Here are a few tips to make your next speech of presentation more notable:

• Begin with a personal story to draw your audience in. While your accomplishments and certifications are of value, they do not need to be at the forefront. YOU need to be at the forefront – those things can come later. A personal story helps your audience understand why they should listen to you, and you want to grab their attention from the get-go.

• Insert an “I believe” statement at some point in your speech. People want to know what make you tick and why you are who you are. This gives them a chance to be a part of your story and join you on it. Here are a few examples: I believe that storytelling changes the world. OR I believe in the best of people. There are so many routes you can take with this. Just make sure it comes from your core and that you truly believe it.

• Lastly, find a way to add in any lessons you’ve learned over the years. If they pertain to a story you’ve told or if they have been lessons learned from your life. It doesn’t matter, we all like to hear how someone else has moved through this life so that we can take notes and use them for our own lives.

Remember, these tips can be used in any kind of speech or presentation (it could be a sales pitch or an hour-long keynote). I know it’s scary to get personal in front of people you may or may not know but you control how personal you want to get. Vulnerability elicits connection – and we all crave connection. You’ve got this!