Just Tell Me You Love Me

Last week was a hard week. I felt like I was against the world in a lot of ways.

Sometimes that happens. Life catches up, we get tired, and everything around us gets hard.

I could tell it was taking its toll on Merit too. I was more impatient, less present, and easily distracted. I was aware of my state of being and was in the process of doing some self-care and reflection to get back to center.

When Merit doesn't get what she wants (she hates being told no), or gets frustrated, or angry, or feels disconnected from me...she often will express herself in a maddening circle of making no sense at all. She shakes her little body, trying to tell me what is she wants to say but can't get it out because of all of the feelings. I remember being that little - I remember all of those emotions and not knowing what to do with them. Sometimes I respond well. Sometimes I don't.

After one of these moments, I asked her, "Merit, what can I do for you when you are mad, angry, sad, or frustrated?"

She didn't hesitate, "Just tell me you love me."

Tears welled in my eyes. So simple. So, I asked her, "What do I do if I tell you I love you and you are still struggling?"

"Just tell me you love me again."

It makes me cry just thinking about her wise words. Isn't love what we ALL want in moments like these? What if someone just reached out when they could tell that we are struggling and said, "I love you," or "You are loved."

The next day, Merit was starting to get frustrated by something, starting to shake her body, and unable to say what she wanted to...I looked at her with the upmost presence and respect, "Merit, I love you."

She grinned ear to ear, ran from across the room to hug me, and said, "You did it. You remembered."

Everything shifted for her and we were able to talk about what was going on for her. She just needs a safe place to land. We all need a safe place to land. We all need to be seen by those we love the most.

I know the feeling of not feeling loved when I am going through something hard. Connection matters. Intentional love shifts things.

I was getting gas the other day, and the man behind me was being so impatient...honked his horn, shaking his fist at me to move out of his way faster. My first thought was to just sit there a little longer to make him pay for his impatience, but then I remembered Merit's words, "Just tell me you love me." And I instantly thought, he must be in a lot of pain. He must need someone to just tell him that they love him. So, I sent him love energetically. It shifted things for me.

We need more good in this world. I believe people are good, we just have to be willing to look past the façade of ourselves and others...and remember that we all just want to be loved. Merit has, once again, shown me the way back to myself.

#peoplearegood #lifewithmerit #connection #iloveyou #youareloved #remember

Feeling Disconnected?

Merit and I were both home sick last week. There were hours where we didn't feel like doing anything, and hours where we want to do something...but not too much.

We were playing "rescue" at one point, where I was supposed to have an imaginary kitty cat stuck in an imaginary tree and Merit was going to rescue my kitty cat for me. So, I started fake crying and said, "I am so sad that my kitty cat is stuck in the tree. What do I do, Merit?"

She looked me straight in the eye and said, "Touching."

In other words, you get through your sadness by connecting. Connecting with others.

I have been on a downward slope lately. Feeling isolated and disconnected and a bit sad. Working from home has it perks. While I am connecting with incredible people online, and my work is taking off, I am not getting enough social stimulation with people in "real" life. Being face-to-face is very different from being screen-to-screen.

It's hard to reach out when you are feeling a bit lonely. It takes a bit of courage to meet up, to be invited, to be included in someone's day.

Merit reminded me in the most beautiful way that even if something takes a bit of courage, the answer is usually pretty simple.

So, who wants to grab lunch or coffee in the coming months?

Will You Be Your Own Best Friend?

The other night, I was cuddling with Merit in her bed before she went to sleep. We were being silly and she was making me laugh. It was one of those moments that gratitude washes over you.

"Merit, you are one of my best friends."

Immediately she responded, "No mamma! I am my own best friend."

"Oh, yes, of course. You are right! You are. That is so wonderful, Merit."

She looked at me with concern, "Mamma, will you be your own best friend?"

Gut punch.

She must have caught on to the levels of stress I have been carrying around. I certainly haven't been taking care of myself the way that I know I need to or want to in regards to my work in the world. It was the slap in the face reminder that I needed which led me to a very important talk with my publisher and editor.

I've been pushed to meet deadlines I am not ready for. The book just isn't where I want it to be at this point in the revision process - so Merit's reminder led me to ask for more time. As a result, my book will not be published until January 2023.

I also decided to stop a working contract that wasn't serving me in the best way possible. It was a great job, just not what I am wanting right now.

It's always hard to ask for what I want. Often I feel like a failure when I do make these shifts. Not only that, it means that I am diving into the unknown again. But since I've made these decisions, I feel connected again. I feel like myself again. And new opportunities are showing up.

Are you your own best friend? If you aren't, Merit says you should be. It's one of the few "shoulds" I will be paying more attention to from now on.