Last week was a hard week. I felt like I was against the world in a lot of ways.
Sometimes that happens. Life catches up, we get tired, and everything around us gets hard.
I could tell it was taking its toll on Merit too. I was more impatient, less present, and easily distracted. I was aware of my state of being and was in the process of doing some self-care and reflection to get back to center.
When Merit doesn't get what she wants (she hates being told no), or gets frustrated, or angry, or feels disconnected from me...she often will express herself in a maddening circle of making no sense at all. She shakes her little body, trying to tell me what is she wants to say but can't get it out because of all of the feelings. I remember being that little - I remember all of those emotions and not knowing what to do with them. Sometimes I respond well. Sometimes I don't.
After one of these moments, I asked her, "Merit, what can I do for you when you are mad, angry, sad, or frustrated?"
She didn't hesitate, "Just tell me you love me."
Tears welled in my eyes. So simple. So, I asked her, "What do I do if I tell you I love you and you are still struggling?"
"Just tell me you love me again."
It makes me cry just thinking about her wise words. Isn't love what we ALL want in moments like these? What if someone just reached out when they could tell that we are struggling and said, "I love you," or "You are loved."
The next day, Merit was starting to get frustrated by something, starting to shake her body, and unable to say what she wanted to...I looked at her with the upmost presence and respect, "Merit, I love you."
She grinned ear to ear, ran from across the room to hug me, and said, "You did it. You remembered."
Everything shifted for her and we were able to talk about what was going on for her. She just needs a safe place to land. We all need a safe place to land. We all need to be seen by those we love the most.
I know the feeling of not feeling loved when I am going through something hard. Connection matters. Intentional love shifts things.
I was getting gas the other day, and the man behind me was being so impatient...honked his horn, shaking his fist at me to move out of his way faster. My first thought was to just sit there a little longer to make him pay for his impatience, but then I remembered Merit's words, "Just tell me you love me." And I instantly thought, he must be in a lot of pain. He must need someone to just tell him that they love him. So, I sent him love energetically. It shifted things for me.
We need more good in this world. I believe people are good, we just have to be willing to look past the façade of ourselves and others...and remember that we all just want to be loved. Merit has, once again, shown me the way back to myself.