The other night, I was cuddling with Merit in her bed before she went to sleep. We were being silly and she was making me laugh. It was one of those moments that gratitude washes over you.
"Merit, you are one of my best friends."
Immediately she responded, "No mamma! I am my own best friend."
"Oh, yes, of course. You are right! You are. That is so wonderful, Merit."
She looked at me with concern, "Mamma, will you be your own best friend?"
Gut punch.
She must have caught on to the levels of stress I have been carrying around. I certainly haven't been taking care of myself the way that I know I need to or want to in regards to my work in the world. It was the slap in the face reminder that I needed which led me to a very important talk with my publisher and editor.
I've been pushed to meet deadlines I am not ready for. The book just isn't where I want it to be at this point in the revision process - so Merit's reminder led me to ask for more time. As a result, my book will not be published until January 2023.
I also decided to stop a working contract that wasn't serving me in the best way possible. It was a great job, just not what I am wanting right now.
It's always hard to ask for what I want. Often I feel like a failure when I do make these shifts. Not only that, it means that I am diving into the unknown again. But since I've made these decisions, I feel connected again. I feel like myself again. And new opportunities are showing up.
Are you your own best friend? If you aren't, Merit says you should be. It's one of the few "shoulds" I will be paying more attention to from now on.
